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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?